Go to Hell Mattel

A couple of years ago Murray Kentucky became the last plant in the United States that Mattel owned, which it closed. Today brings a report about them selling products made overseas that contain a little more lead than you might care your children handling.

Maybe it's just a communist plot to make our children a little touched in the head. Maybe some corrupt Chinese official took Yet Another Bribe to look the other way and we can take solace that he will soon be donating organs, and how wonderful it is that Mattel chooses to do business with such people over the fine folks here in Murray who have this crazy idea they should get paid enough to not have to live in poverty in a third world country.

So it is with some sick, sad, sadistic glee that I laugh at the expense in which Mattel will incur with this recall and can only hope that it affects Mattel's profits enough to reduce the insane bonuses they like to give their executives such as former Chairwoman Jill Barad's $23.9 million in long term compensation or the 16 million Robert Eckert is paid in salary and stock options. But I'm sure they deserved it, more than the poor slob down at the factory here deserved to have a job after working for Fisher-Price much longer than Robert Eckert.

I wonder if he has kids or grandkids that played with these lead tainted toys. I wonder if such a rich and powerful man would even know if they did. Maybe he can get a full report from their nanny. I'm sure she could include it in her TPS Report, that is if she even speaks English.

So, in conclusion I offer this consumer's message to Mattel: slather my browneye with jelly and toss my salad you sad sack of corporate shit. Thanks for the lead poisoning, assholes. Oh, and while I'm at it, thanks for turning American Girl into Just Another Doll.

Update: Experts Say You'd Better Blood Test Yo' Kids (for Lead) if they played with one of the 967,000 Chinese Made Death Toys!

Update II: A reader responds:

I was at American Girl during the transition of it being purchased by Mattel and changes in quality were immediate. Everything did ship to China and there was a noticeable difference not to mention the immediate firings of anyone who had been with the company since it's inception. That was harsh seeing people led out of the building crying. They didn't even give them a chance to clean out their desks.

To which I can only say they should be grateful that they didn't get stuck working for such a "Sad Sack of Corporate Shit". Here's another piece of unsolicited advice Mattel, quit suing everyone who makes a joke about your stupid, silly doll (that's 12 separate links). Just how sick are the lawyer fucks at Mattel? Well, they once sued a "The Stupid Doll that Must Not Be Named" Collector's Group for using "The Stupid Doll that Must Not Be Named"'s Name in a charity event that raised over $100,000 for sick kids in Troy, Michigan. One of their biggest asshole litigators once said "We have an intellectual property, not a doll", which I hope doesn't make it feel any better should he take "That Stupid Doll that Must Not Be Named" and shove it right up his own ass.